The Good, The Bad & The Lessons Learnt Along The Way

In my life, it has always been the small things that have really given me the bigger and better smiles, filled my days with heartwarming happiness and really made living this life worthwhile. It’s like the sense of achievement of correctly working out a super hard math problem but ironically nothing in life can be worked out. Really!

You just got to go with the flow and pray like-your-life-depended-on-it that in the end life will work itself out.

If you ever thought about your life as a 15 mark ICSE Board Essay Question, where you argue both sides of the case, then right now, I would like to rant some shit straight out of my head . . .

There is always the Good Times …

The proud look on your parents’ face when they think you have achieved something, the little appreciations by the closest of friends, the random thought of your favorite song lines doing live performances in your head the moment your mum starts yelling at you, the boy you love talks to you or just gazes at you for that nano-second eye contact giving your average day the look of a rock concert, a semi – lazy day when half your brain just wants to day dream and the other half waits to become the first half, the brilliant smile your grandma gives you the moment you walk through her doors like that just made her day, the extra chat with your closest friend after everyone has left the room, feeling like Superman on a fresh morning followed by Spiderman … Batman … and ending your day just being human …, the endless roaming on empty roads of an unknown place where no one comes out, being a part of those typical gossip sessions where everything gets so incredibly exaggerated resulting in endless laughs … tummy aches and the not so needed abs development!, eating at your favorite place and relishing every morsel like it was your last time there, a sudden shiver down your spine when you hear your favorite beats and you end up dancing like no ones watching and finally come the times when you have been really stupid, childish and all those adjectives you thought you had grown out of and never want to be associated with . . .

Then of course come the Bad Times …

When you found out time ran you out, and it has been doing it ever since you started running with it, when you never had an idea that things you owned started owning you, friends you loved to be with left without being with you, the boy you thought about at least once every hour could pass days without you, the things you are good at came in the way of learning things you weren’t good at, when you care about your close ones more than anyone else does to their own ones, when you find a greater comfort in a child’s eyes than the ones within your own age group, when you think life isn’t a fair deal and it treats everyone differently, when you know almost everything out there can give you pain and you have to chose what’s worth that pain . . .

And in the end, all you have are The Lessons You Learnt Along The Way . . .

When your faith in God strengthens every he ditches you, when you have stood tall in every tough time, so that when the happier times finally come you are better than before . . . And the day will come when it dawns on you that you should stop asking for things from God because what he can give you is always way more than what you can ask for . . .

I end this blog post today with the words of Imogen Heap – Song: Hide & Seek

“ Where are we? What the hell is going on?

The dust has only just begun to fall,

Crop circles in the carpet, sinking feeling.

Spin me around again and rub my eyes.

This can’t be happening.

When busy streets a mess with people

Would stop to hold their heads heavy”

My December

As the sun rises on the distant horizon of my city, I stand in my room balcony listening to the song "My December".  The first time I listened to it was in 2004, when I was in the eleventh grade standing exactly where I stood at the moment watching the sun rise. It was December, my favorite month of the year because the weather then is absolutely brilliant in Bangalore, not warm but not too cold either, but spread with a bit of chilliness but most of all because its the time of the year that I come back home, no matter where I am. In many ways, Decembers, are like winters, where birds dont chirp alot, people drink a little more coffee and talk a little less, mostly silent, a perfect time to ponder.

Decembers remind me of the year that was and the last month before the year that will be. Coincidently, I find myself here in this month, every single year taking in every moment of those foggy Bangalorean Nights . I remember, I could barely see a few meters and that helped mostly because who wanted to see any further anyway?

Its been eight long years and I am still listening to "My December" again after that first time I did, only difference being that now its July and I can't wait for another six months for December to come to write about it. A lot has changed since then, really ALOT and Im sure a lot has changed for you too since you heard "Your Song"for the first time. But when you really love a song, you are always reminded of that exact mood and how it made you feel the very first time, every time you go on to hear it. Eight years, wow, life hasn't slowed down one bit. I am still that girl, running around the city with a pocket full of dreams, waiting patiently for them to be fulfilled. After all these years,  I am still reminded of the streets I walked on; the people I liked; people I forgot and the people I had to forget; the people I never met again and the people I never wanted to meet again. The smiles I forced, the smiles they forced. Guess life is all about that, right from wanting to get away to wanting to come back.

A lot has happened in these eight years, I finished school, left home for college, got over with college, had my first salary, had my first date, traveled a reasonable part of the world, joined Facebook, joined Orkut, left Orkut, moved from listening to rock, then pop and now old Bollywood songs. Saw two anti - corruption movements in my country, experienced global recession, saw dictators fall and democracies rise. All in these eight years! .. so why call this just a song?

My December - listen to it.

The Bucket List.

So, after careful thinking I have finally come up with a list of things I want to do in my life. And here they go (not listed in any specific order)

1) Save a life.

2) Open a non profit organization that educates children in the villages of India.

3) Trek across the Amazon Rain Forests.

4) Graduate from an Ivy-League college with an MBA degree in Finance and Strategy.

6) Head a company that is listed on the NYSE.

7) Adopt a girl child.

9) Deep Sea Dive the Great Barrier Reef along the coast of Queensland, Australia.

10) Observe the Milky Way Galaxy on a moonless night.

11) Sail from Kanyakumari (Indian Ocean) to Cape town (Africa) to New York ( Atlantic Ocean).

12) Do the African wildlife safari in Kenya during the great migration

13) Own a house overlooking the sea.

14) Experience God.

15) Own a 'racing red' Ferrari.

16) Visit Harappa and Mohenjo Daro.

17) See the Pyramids of Egypt.

18) Own a Pet Chimpanzee.

19) Attend the Love Parade in Berlin along with the Oktoberfest in Munich.

20) White water raft in the Ganges.

21) Attend a photography workshop under Jim Zuckerman.

22) Meet Jackie Chan.

23) See Anti-matter.

24) Watch Football World cup Finals.

25) Climb Mount Everest.

26) Read Music

27) Observe the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights) 

28) Attend the Yi Peng festival at Chiang Mai

29) Leave behind a legacy.

Why Can't I Climb Mt Everest!

Out of all the insane and highly impractical ideas and dreams I have had in life, I am not very sure about this one. I thought maybe (probability 0.25), well maybe (probability 0.001) , I could think of taking a shot at Mt.Everest after like 15 years. I am not sure of this , but I have these plans in my life that are really over-the-top plans of doing things because mediocrity has sucked in almost everything except this great nature's erection. Its almost like each one of us , even the most douche-bag of another-run-in-the-mill Bachelor's graduate would think of becoming a CEO of some company one day. Its not always possible for them, then of-course, many of these CEO-cum-hippie-culture-inflicted-wannabe's would open their own firms and put themselves on the top just to claim a dream they could never have.

So why Mt. Everest? why not just go to Shimla and come back from an over-used tourist dust-bag (this is when I heard about 5 Bihar dudes landing up in Simla aspiring to start a Maoist movement , how lame!) or go to Rohtang (the orgasmic hill-station for all north indians) and take pleasure in aunties falling in the desperate attempt to try out their newly hired eskimo clothes and shoes on smooth ice. But I don't want to, because its plain and blatant , its mediocre. Well, it happens with me. Almost 33% of times, I end up knowing that people have already done what I had planned to be totally cool and *new*, this world is that fast. So when I was a kid, fed-up of all the mediocrity, I decided I would grow up to be someone that everyone else couldn't be. I grew up, and observed everyone is someone that everyone else can't be. This world is that sucker-ty!

So I have dropped a lot of super-awesome plans along the way , like the Mt.Everest one. This came about when I read about this 13 year old boy called Jordon Romero who climbed Mt.Everest. Ok cool ! , but what was I doing when I was 13? , I was probably looking forward to an awesome 5 year puberty plan and maybe having a totally-not-feasible crush on a neighborhood nerd.... If the Jordon case wasn't enough , take this , totally illiterate, less than quarter-awesome and fugly-looking-but-better-than-Shrek "Apa Sherpa" who climbed the Everest 20 times , 20 times!! , like really? Is that even possible!? And to top it all its easily 5 times more than I triumphed at the biggest achievement of my life so far which is graduating with honors. As I said, mediocrity sucks!

Today, if I had been preparing for IITJEE 2012 , I would have given it up already. Partly because I would have died after completing my first semester,thanks to the Mayan Calendar .. and secondly because of this homie-boy (thanks to Jay-Z) named Sahal Kaushik , a 14 year old who has cleared IIT this year . Ok super-awesome, but what was I doing when I was 14? I was probably now left with 4 more years of the ultimate puberty plan and still wondering whether I should go for another nerd or still not give up on him.... , pretty mundane eh? .. So just like this, I have been dropping plans. Perhaps Everest still seems feasible , maybe I would kill the Sherpa and climb it 21 times to atleast get my name in the newspapers, or maybe get my name as many times as possible to beat Arindham Choudhary ...who knows.. Life sucks donkey balls anyway!

The point is not how many times I had to give up my plans , but the number of times I learnt the same thing: 'any age is old-enough to start something new' . Why not go out in the sun and start practicing your favorite sport now? Why not take up that book you always wanted to read now? Why not look good today because you would never look this awesome one day after now? Why not start today? Don't be a douche-bag ..! .. Start early , procrastinate later.

The F-Word

I am your truth. I live with fiery spirit, with a kind of intensity you can never dream of. How I flit through your insignificant life, untouchable. Distant. Frozen to contact. I just might accept you as a rival, but that will only be when I am at my weakest. And that will be my secret.

I know what you think, I know what you’re worth. I can see into your core, for I have lost mine. It’s easy to, for you’re vulnerable. Open to scrutiny, cracked, broken. Your recurring memories can break your spirit, cloud what you are, how can you be anything but easy to perceive?

A word of uncertainty from a voice insignificant is all it takes. You’re over. At my most human, you call me cruel. How can you deny me my amusement, my respite from what I think you are: unadulterated boredom.

I search for the wall that defies me, until then, I shall toy with you. Play along, for I might just escalate into a juggernaut that builds and builds with every slur I face.

I delight in your helplessness. The deluge is inescapable, learn to laugh. Look at the world around, this ordered mess. How many times do you feel thankful because it wasn’t you this time? Happy that it was that family halfway around the globe? The girl in the TV screen? Let it show, the world won’t love you any less for it. They’re all the same.

Under your veneer of virtuosity, I know what you are. I bite you when you’re cold, singe you when you burn. I pick at your scabs, I knock down your reading lamp. Believe it or not, its actually all you.

You cannot fight me, I will always be. Try it, social experiments always serve to fascinate. Pick up the knife, tease the grey blade into exploring your marrow. Until your insides throb. Malign your blood, try, for however it blots and clots, it holds together a race; but that is inconsequential to you and me.

I am why you feel. I am chaos. I am you. I am just Faith!

4 AM Rantings.

It was a cold January night in Dallas, when I was sitting and applying for jobs so that one day, I could bask in the enwreathing glory of becoming a mechanical robot just like every other person I know. As I was getting ready to go to bed while listening to Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, I realized something. My car keys were missing yet again. I rushed out of my apartment and ran towards the car thinking I must have left it inside and locked the door just like the four other times I had done before. But to my dismay, it wasn’t there. I hunted for it everywhere, I called all the people I had met that day hoping someone would have seen it but no one had the faintest of clues. I even walked all the way to the grocery store in my pajamas, but no luck.

As I walked back, I was lost in mindless thought, about my keys, my negligence and all that I could have done to be a little more careful. Even reading an email on my phone about my interview call for a job opportunity as a credit analyst (a.k.a getting-a-head-start-to-being-the-queen-rat-of-corportate-culture) made me feel no better. It was like my ignorance was dancing in front of my very own eyes and I could do nothing about it. I was facing few of the toughest riddles of life waiting to be frantically answered by me. I desperately needed to cry while someone hugged me listening to my ridiculous curses to the unreasonable follies of my stupid life. I eventually went back to my apartment freezing in places no human being should ever freeze.

When I finally reached my room, all that I did was instinctively play the song “Vidukathaiya Intha Vaazhkai" from Rajnikanth’s old but classic movie Muthu. Yes, I listen to Tamil songs at a surprisingly high rate, no need to be all shocked, it isn’t a crime. Anyway, what I was getting to was that I had finally found the company I had wanted, to share the miseries that so badly needed to be shared. I ended up playing that song repeatedly along with a few other sad songs for a couple of hours till I fell asleep.

It was only the next day that a small thought came to my mind. How would life be if there was background music all the time? Wouldn’t each and every single incident become more meaningful if there was some background music? Imagine how a romantic scene in a movie would look like without a background score? (Unimaginable, yeah?)

I thus started imagining all possible situations of life where we miss some kick ass background music. For example, when we see a person whom we have a crush on we automatically start imagining a background score associating them with it and unknowingly that song becomes an unforgettable part of our lives. For instance, wouldn’t Surya and Jyotika look stupid in the movie Kaka Kaka if “Ondra Renda Asaigal” wasn’t played at the right time? Imagine how motivated one would be if there was a background score every time someone went out to bat in a cricket match or even when one started studying? (Singam Ondru Purappattadhey :P)

I strongly feel that the music and moods are powerfully correlated. I have come to understand that it is music that makes small things memorable and meaningful. I wish there was music to commemorate my every small happiness and sadness, without me having to play it. As someone rightly said, I guess music does really feed the soul.

PS: Considering how low my current morale and motivational skills are, I badly need to hear "vetri kodi kattu" or "natchathira jannalil" ;) in short, I need an overdose of Namba Thalaivar, Namba Rajnikanth :P

What Fiona Did To Get a Job.

A friend of mine recently graduated with a degree in public relations, minor in journalism. It was a pragmatic concentration balance on its face: one of these fields represented at least a modicum of investment toward gainful employment, the other did not. In a different time, my friend, we’ll call her Fiona, may have given herself over to the romantic notion of the well-traveled journalist, marrying her wanderlust and literary inclinations to a desire to do something in the interest of the public good. But she believed in realism and clear-eyed ambition. Cautious that the budgets to buoy any latent journalistic aspirations had gone the way of the dodo, she chose PR—a field that promised both a creative environment and corporate stability.

But despite her pragmatism, Fiona, like most graduates of ’09 and the surrounding years, found entering the workforce to be an uphill battle.

Even after mining her modest network and sending out numerous applications, job prospects remained anemic. She continued her old gig as a waitress for months after earning her degree, grinning at an endless churn of needy customers when not checking online career sites like a day-trader checks the Dow. Finally, she got a call about an internship. Though it paid modestly, and was only guaranteed to last a few months, Fiona began to think of the position as her dream job.

At first, the hiring process proceeded as normal; or at least in a way that any person hazarding first steps into the real world might have perceived to be normal: A resume here, a reference check there, followed by a first round of interviews. Fiona was nervous in the way that all post-collegiate twentysomethings are nervous—in seemingly a tick of the clock, she could suddenly feel the entire weight of her future balancing awkwardly on her shoulders. But she remained confident. An internship with a mid-level PR firm. Certainly it was nothing she couldn’t handle.

Then came the “Social Media Challenge.”

“Our industry is changing,” said the prospective employers explaining the twist. “Social media has become an essential front in stakeholder interaction. We need to see how skillful and creative you are with these tools.”

At first blush, the challenge sounded to Fiona, who quietly nursed a raging Facebook addiction like everyone else she knew, like fun: Log in to a special Facebook page and get as many people to “Like” you as possible. But it wasn’t merely a game.

Fiona was told that she was one of two remaining applicants being considered by the company. The “Social Media Challenge” would not be conducted in some isolated spare office space at her potential place of business, but as a public, week-long contest between her and her competitor for anyone, including and especially her friends and family, to see. If and when she won the challenge, it would increase her chances of getting hired.

It hasn’t always been this way. Somewhere in the history of recruiter/recruitee relations, between the advent of “The Apprentice” and the decline of the global financial industry, the rules of the game took a turn for the dramatic. Beyond simple supply-and-demand, securing a job today—even those of the less-than-glamorous variety—has become something akin to a tooth-and-nail fight to the death in the Roman Colosseum: a spectacle of personal desperation for audiences either real or imagined.

Fiona isn’t alone. You don’t have to look far for stories of some un-moneyed, highly-educated kid making an ass of himself to stand a chance. A friend who graduated in marketing went flying across the country for an interview, only to have it capriciously canceled before he even touched down. The stories’ subjects are unusual, but their dramas ring familiar—like the time Robin and Shannon faced elimination for not taking their clothes off; or when the band members had to walk to Brooklyn to get Diddy his favorite cheesecake.

It used to be that this kind of do-anything, fuck-anyone standard was reserved for society’s fringe dreamers who are by definition delusional, like musicians and models and actors. But with the level of unemployment teetering at the brim, and after a decade of television executives at Bravo, MTV and the networks milking every profession and aspirational desire for human drama, it’s no wonder that even white collar employers have begun to see their sudden wealth of applicants in a new light.

Anyone who’s ever been unintentionally unemployed knows that it doesn’t take long for the thorny spores of desperation to take root and self-propagate. Anything for an edge. Anything to stand out from the tired, poor, huddled masses willing to work for free. When others have no boundaries, one fears the need to take off their clothes or face elimination. It seems that many with jobs to offer have not only come to expect this behavior, but are comfortable enough to openly encourage it.

We’re told that the recession ended over a year ago. That unemployment is a lagging indicator. What we need now is a collective call for common decency: for job seekers to come up off their knees and unlearn the terrible demands of the downturn. Because a job is a privilege, but a post-graduate internship is not a dream. The longer HR departments and midlevel executives get to play Diddy and Trump, the longer we’re all screwed.

Fiona lost the Social Media Challenge. This was doubly offensive considering the social capital she had expended transforming herself into the kind of person who brazenly self-promotes on Facebook. But her talent had not gone unnoticed, and the firm decided to hire her for the internship anyway. Three blissfully employed months passed. Then, when the internship had run its course, Fiona was told that the company could not afford to offer her a job. In her exit interview, she complained about the hiring process, which she said reflected poorly on the firm. They bought her a chocolate good-bye cake.

Get the gist?

Suddenly, It's all relative.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Or even, you both love each other but it's just not right. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority.

Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

- Taken

Offbeat Tales Of A Crazy Traveler

I had always been a little bit of a nature freak, so like thousands of others, I braved the journey to the famed Colorado. I had absolutely no expectation from this place whatsoever because I believe that having expectations ruins the experience in itself. However, I knew one thing and that was to capture every moment in my head and pen it down to make those memories immortal.

I paid attention to every feeling, every sight, every experience with great detail. I wanted to remember it all. When I started writing this post, I wanted it to be perfect. So I carefully wrote everything I did each day, each minute – my bank account crisis at the airport, getting lost in a city called Limon, taking a ride with a strange old lady to Denver, my hatred for the Colorado public transport system, rafting across the Arkansas rapids in the middle of the snow capped Rocky mountains, the 1250 ft free falling in Royal Gorge, the bicycling across downtown Denver, watching people play chess on the 16th street mall, rappelling down the turtle rock mountain, enjoying the ear-blasting jazz music at Wild Bangkok, the view from Pikes Peak etc. I tried capturing everything.

But despite all my efforts, I couldn’t write this. Whatever I would wouldn’t seem enough, it wouldn’t seem perfect. I wrote pages after pages but I would erase it as soon as I wrote them. What was I going to say about this place that hasn't already been said before? Hence last night, I tore up my article and started writing again.

Only in three days I felt a strange love for this city. It felt like it was my own. But what was the reason for me to feel this way? – The snow capped Rockies, the liveliness of the place, the Arkansas River or my sudden independence? What has this city given to me? Actually the real reason was in my heart for quite some time now; it’s just that my head couldn’t understand it.

It was my oldest and newest friends that made the trip so beautiful in every way possible. To think about it, would the trip be as much fun without - Dina’s classic pictures? Loudly singing to Venga Boys played by D.J Shazaam a.k.a Pandu on the journey to Buena Vista? Keith’s amazing hotel prank on his cow-pal Cheryl? Saumil’s expressions when he fell into the boat while rafting? Teasing Madho and Melo about New Jersey? Me breaking Cheryl’s $ 20 sunglasses AND bag? Eating the horrible horrible Indian food with everyone that closely tasted like rubber? Cheryl’s amazing $2 coupons?

Wouldn’t the trip be less fun if they all hadn’t come? When I first started writing this post I thought that the reason my trip was so amazing was because of the great outdoors of Colorado but now I know that it is actually because of these friends who came from all parts of the country to meet one another.

Sometimes we are so blinded by the larger than life outer perspectives that we fail to see the smaller inner reasonings. Running towards our destination, we leave behind so many things that truly define who we are; which is why I feel that even if for a little while, take time out from your busy schedule and look for that special feeling that makes your surroundings, your life even more beautiful… who knows you might also find friends for life just like me.

A Blog To All Blobs.

Long long ago there was a time in my life when if someone told me "Dude, I'm in shape" then I would say "Yes you're right, round is a shape". This was when I was training 5 hours a day to one day become a national level swimmer. Pffft!

Although both my parents are big structured and my grandfather closely resembling a small car, I was happy that I was blessed to get my grandmother's genes. I was tall and lanky. I was ruthlessly cracking weight jokes around my overweight relatives not once realizing that one dreadful day I would be on other side of the grass.

Recently, my mother was looking at some of my latest pictures on Facebook and she said " Aditi, you look like a cow". The minute she said it, she laughed so hard that it felt like she was finally able to take revenge by removing 21 years of weight frustration that I had slowly built inside of her , brick by brick, by my subtle yet awesome jokes!

So I decided that before I transform from a cow to a buffalo, I would take charge and go on a diet. Needing to shed a few pounds, I googled all possible diet tips and tricks until I finally found one that I liked. I put a bet with my-same-body-type-friend (anonymously named Tubey), that each of us had to lose 10 pounds by September 1st, else we would pay each other $150. Money motivates people greater, mind you. I also put a skimpy poster of Gisele Bundchen as my wall paper , so that everyday I would open my laptop to think " Someday I am going to look like you bitch"

With diligence and zeal, I closely followed all the recipes for each meal of the day even though it was enlarging the already present hole in my wallet. I was gymming or playing tennis everyday.

My motto: Dieting is a weigh of life.

• It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.
• The biggest drawbacks to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
• The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat but watching what other people eat.
• An excellent way to lose weight is by skipping.... snacks and desserts.

There would be times of the day where I would be so hungry that I could eat the plate, then I found out such an edible plate does exist. Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor living in Taipei, Taiwan has perfected an edible plate. It is made from wheat grain, and he plans to mass-produce it with other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers. He argues that hungry diners, tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal, can now go a step further and demolish the whole lot. Sadly, I have learned, the plates have the taste of unsalted popcorn - not exactly an exciting culinary delight. In his favor, Chen says the crockery can be boiled and will provide a nutritious meal for your pet.

As time progressed, I started feeling terrific until one skinny ass of a friend (anonymously named Cherry) burst my bubble and said "Damn, you put on more weight!". At that instance all I felt like doing was stuffing his face with 100 tons of cheese so that he would never have the audacity to say such a thing again!

After that, I was like screw this diet, screw Cherry! I started getting all philosophical and pondering upon the deeper questions to weight loss. Then I figured that the dumb head who had conjured up the rules on weight measurement that has millions of people depressed and even suicidal, had got it all wrong! The most accurate way of measuring weight is to actually lay down on the floor , with your back flat on the ground and have your legs raised up high and placing the weighing machine on your feet. Voilà! you instantly lose 130 pounds.

Isn't this just awesome! Now I only weigh 10 pounds. Life seems so much more beautiful with chocolates and ice creams in the world again.

So apart from making truck loads of money with this revolutionary discovery, I hope to save the life of my friend Tubey who is in a relationship with big mouthed Cherry.

College Living.

As I am about to graduate from college, I would like to pass on a few words of wisdom to all those who are about to know what life is all about.

In India, my whole lifestyle was very very different from the one I had here. My parents are all about good grades. Their life revolves around it. So, I was the kind who thought that nothing was hard to get as long as I got good grades, which I did and so I got everything I ever needed and much more without so much as a sigh! And then one day I decided to come to America to "study" further. That was the day I went from being a princess to a poor girl on the streets.

As expected, I had thought that the good grades philosophy would hold true anywhere. Come on, its only natural! I was spending away my earnings to a point where I would have one dollar in my account at the end of the month. Seeing this, my parents decided that their daughter had to "build some character".

So they kept me on tight budget lines every month. I was then forced to put on my thinking cap and find ways through which I could overcome this mess. I was not allowed to spend my own hard earned money, what do you expect! I tried and tested several money saving methods to overcome this hiccup in my otherwise awesome life. Today however, I am not writing about the things that worked but I am going to talk about the things that did not work.

• Do not create a secret bank account. If you were the obedient kid who gave all your passwords to your parents in the beginning, then my friend you are doomed! And once you realize the shit you are in , don't make it worse and create another unknown account where you could save up some money for your personal use. Although it will give you the feeling that you are one of those millionaires that who keep all their illegal money in an offshore account in the Caribbean, it is bound to fail. Parents always have ways of finding out, ALWAYS! The universal truth is parents are 100 times smarter than you, the faster you understand this the less trouble you will be in.


• Do not take secret vacations with friends. Whats even worse than a secret bank account is going away with friends on a holiday with your saved money without telling parents. Nothing gets them more riled up than you travelling with FRIENDS, especially if you are the only daughter. Its a time bomb waiting to explode and all you can do is say "Oh Boy" !


• Stop buying so many shoes. You know who you are. You can only wear one pair at time, unless you wear them on your hands, too. How many shoes do you need, anyway? ( remember, I am putting this point under the things that did not work for me)


• Stay behind times. Wait until books come out in paperback (half price books) and until movies come out on the internet. Don't buy the latest electronic gizmos; see if you can mooch gently used cameras and not-all-that lightweight laptops from your friends and relatives when they upgrade to the latest models. Don't bother changing your hair or clothing styles until people giggle and point to you whenever you leave the house.


• Stop thinking about your maid in India. If you were the kind who never made your bed in your "previous" life wait until you come to live in America. Stop thinking about your maid back home when you are scrubbing the bathroom floor or cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry or are starving and feeling lazy to cook. It only makes life harder! Face the fact you cannot afford to hire a maid here.


• Don't buy a cheap cell phone plan. As the saying goes, when you are not allowed to do something, thats the one thing you will want to do the most. Buying a plan that gives you very less minutes and absolutely no texting is like going on a diet when you live next to the chocolate store. No amount of not picking up calls, not charging your phone etc will help you save minutes. It just won't work! In fact, you will just exceed your minutes and pay a lot more than the normal plan that you didn't buy to save money.


• Water down your shampoo. I must say that Pert Plus not only lasts longer but works better when it's watered down a bit. I don't know the scientific principle underlying this discovery, but using this tip can save you literally hundreds of cents a year.


• Don't buy groceries until you are eating pickles for lunch and dinner. Use all the ready made food that you brought from home. Don't go to the grocery store until you've absolutely run out of everything, thats how it happens at my apartment anyway. To be honest, I doubt you can save any money this way, but what the heck I thought I'd just mention it.


• Listen to tapes. Once upon a time, in the age of boomboxes and Walkmen, tapes were the hottest selling music format around. Now that they've been kicked to the curb, first by CDs and then by digital downloads, no one seems to want them anymore — which means you can find perfectly fine tapes for fifty cents or a dollar at any decent thrift store. If you've still got a working tape deck, let your analog freak flag fly. Sure, you can't easily skip tracks but hey, who needs to skip tracks when you are listening to the greatest hits by Simon & Garfunkel.


• Don't get gym subscriptions. Lets face it, Indians, in general, no matter how they try tend to put on weight when they come to America. Guys put on weight in the face and girls put on weight everywhere else. I know its necessary to keep your market value up high, therefore go running on the streets and lift boulders/bricks to build muscles.


• Don't get tattoos. They're expensive going on, and even more expensive coming off. If you want to impress that rocker chick at the bar, draw something on your arm with a Sharpie before you introduce yourself to her. It doesn't matter if it looks convincing. She's not going to be interested in you anyway.


• Never leave the house. Doing stuff outside the house tends to cost money, so avoid the outside world whenever possible.

Although doing none of these saved me any actual money, there is however one tip that might just work, get an old fashioned loving boyfriend with a good job.

Riding The Bus

I often question what exactly it is that helps guide people through their darkest days, not only to survive but to move past those circumstances and to ultimately attain the level of success and fulfillment that would have once sounded impossible, what comes to my mind is not the big moments that you usually tend to remember but instead the small life defining moments that get you by even if just for a minute.

Today, as I walked into what seemed like my never-ending-stream-of-no-job-getting-interview, I saw a guy. He was clean-shaven, maybe mid thirties, dark haired, of average height and slight build, he was wearing the sharpest suit possibly custom-made, out of a beautiful piece of cloth. It's more than just a garment, it's the whole look - the tasteful tie, the muted shirt, the pocket square, the understated cuff links and watch. Nothing obnoxious, just well put together. No flash, no bullshit . Just sharp. He reminded me of a Ferrari circling in slow motion, with the whirring sound of that unbelievably powerful engine as it idles, waiting and purring like a lion about to pounce. Seeing him pass me by just gave me a sense of feeling that maybe just maybe someday I will be there too. This encounter is crystallized in my memory - almost into a mythological moment that I could return to and visit in the present tense whenever I wanted or needed its message.

These recent times have been hard and difficult for me with possibly everything going wrong. Life seemed to have taken a 360 degree turn with my clock ticking in the opposite direction. From what seemed to be like living in an everlasting sunshine, I suddenly felt I was helplessly caught in a never ending period of gray foggy skies with continuous days of bone-chilling rain. It was like I was falling and falling heads down into the bottomless pit of failure.

Then I remembered a brave man telling me last night, "Whaaat is life without a few failures, look at me". I pondered upon it and realized that there is joy even in failure. It pushes you to be stronger and work harder to crawl out of that pit leading to a strange sense of satisfaction. It makes you appreciate success ten folds greater that you otherwise would. It lights a fire inside you - to dream, to succeed. I started drawing inspiration from everything. I looked for ways to find "happy"ness and humor. And then I finally began seeing roses in the ghetto.

So to conclude, everyone has big things happening to them but what you need the most is to have that one person in your life who will create that one small moment that turns your life around.

Home

Yeah, after a lot of excitement and Facebook messages I've come home at last. I am so unbelievably happy to come back that I am unable to express it. It feels like I am back to my good old life. I am back to being myself. It's like I've re entered the dream that I once lived in.

Staying away from home for three years has made me realize that I had come to take so many things for granted and missed the many necessities along the way. Today, I know I've missed every bit of every thing because experiencing them all over again brings me joy that knows no bounds.

Just to sit and think back -

I miss my family
I miss seeing people
I miss the smell of petrol and the smell of sand when it rains
I miss hanging out with my friends
I miss laughing at stupid things with my grandmother
I miss seeing old ladies at Lalbagh in the evening, gossiping about their daughter in laws
I miss loafing around Bangalore aimlessly and eating dosa at a roadside stall
I miss waking my friends up at 4 AM in the morning and going for kappi
I miss hating to eat my mother's upma early in the morning
I miss jumping off the rocks while going swimming
I miss the "study" sleepovers
I miss laughing at my brothers when they get belted and getting thumped by them later
I miss jumping over the school wall and going for movies
I miss cursing the auto fellows for rash driving and they laughing back at me for my broken Kannada
I miss standing in the crowd and encouraging a road side fight
I miss seeing the Aruna DVD owner's expression every time I enter because of the number of DVD's I've never returned
I've even begun to love the otherwise unbearable traffic and my mother's nagging.
In general, I guess I just miss my life.

Graduating from an Ivy League has always been the dream which is why I made the most stupid mistake of my life. Life for me here was perfect which I failed to see earlier. I regret this every single day because this is where I clearly belong.

After this visit, I don't know when I am going to come home again. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I don't want to leave home. I don't want to come back.

Today, I am a person standing at the fork between two roads waiting to take a decision that will determine the course of my life. However, right now, I must stay on the road I've already chosen but I wait for the day when I will be home at last.

Time After Time

Journey with me,
Side by side,
Love me, hold me, take me higher
Just like I hold you inside.
For it is sometimes calming,
Sometimes like fire.
This is my life
With you by my side.

Immortal
Now I know.
I know now.
I will not, I cannot,
That I will never die
With me in your memories.

O! how great is love
And how little am I.

Beethoven's Immortal Beloved

The First Letter
July 6, in the morning

--My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o’clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be -
Your faithful LUDWIG.

The Second Letter
Evening, Monday, July 6

--You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?

The Third Letter
Good morning, on July 7

--Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Wild horses

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out,
Is this my life I'm wondering

It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
There's greener pastures I'm thinking about
wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses.

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore

If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence

How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

I wanna run too.
recklessly abandoning me my self before you

I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses,
run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses

I wanna run with the wild horses ..

I, Me and Myself

I am Indian college student in America attending Cox Business School, Southern Methodist University. I am studying to be an Investment Banker, with aspirations of being a Financial Guru ( basically the stock market). I am the only child hence I have been spoilt rotten.

Like most people, it's a complicated thing to describe me. Some might say it's along the lines of being an "acquired taste." Others might more correctly classify it as, "the pain in the backside that some people are willing to tolerate." Most likely, I am just inimitable, like many others. But I'll do the best I can to describe myself with words.

I'd say that I am an eclectic amalgamation of many seemingly paradoxical things. This can be exemplified in both my seemingly endless persistance on many topics and arguments, as well as my careful cautiousness on other topics and arguments. This is largely due to how astute I am of the topic: more knowledge, more persistant; less knowledge, obviously more cautious. I also have times of obsessive compulsions regarding certain things (mostly just food, however).

Many could qualify my way of talking and thinking about things as prosaic, pithy, or terse. This is both a combination of my feelings that if you're going to say something, say it plainly, simply, and honestly and to not just overflower everything without really saying anything. It can of course come off sometimes as being angered, mean-spirited, callous, or me just being a malcontent or even a misanthrope. I do try to limit those reactions as much as possible. I just follow the feeling that if I am asked my opinion on something, people will be able to handle hearing it since they are asking me after all. I am not a misanthrope, at least not totally. Just that some people, while I'm sure they live lovely lives and probably have great characteristics, I just cannot tolerate.

I know that I am quite a smart person on most things, and also am exceedingly "imaginative". I do feel that I am funny, though everyone thinks I dont even know the meaning of it. My humor would probably best be labeled very teaseful and sarcastic, though it is quite fun to just plainly laugh at the silliness of things lots of times.

I am an almost atheist( note: slightly spiritual not religious) . I don't say that to mean that I am trying to subjugate all religions of the world (though I do think it would be a good start, I'm not actively doing it). I simply say this underscore that when I say I am an atheist, I mean just that: I am an atheist. I'm not an agnostic. I'm not a disgruntled Hindu. I'm an atheist. Or I guess I am bright. Because of my rejection of religion, I tend to treat many things with what people might call an irreverent perspective.

All in all I am just another ordinary clutz who is bored of life.

Oh and I am hungry all the time

*bows out*

--taken

Do we really deserve what we get?

Do not let your fire go out .
Spark that ever lights up a spark.
And the hopeless swamps that are not quite,
And not yet,
And not at all.

Do not let the hero in your soul perish.
Do not hang on to the frustration of life you deserved and never been able to reach.
The world you desire can be one.
It exists!
It is real!
It is possible!
For it is YOURS and only YOURS!

My Obituary

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I did not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond glince of snow
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn's rain
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there I did not die...

remembrance of my days as a captain..

A character without confidence remains a candle without a wick for then there exists no light and no benefit, neither to itself nor to others, for without confidence the best qualities will remain unearthed, lost in the dark. Therefore does it follow that my major strength is my confidence and ability to compete at higher levels in the different facets of my life, be it in the sphere of culture, academics or sports. Confidence and self-belief are areas that are showcased the best in a competitive environment and I firmly believe that competition and the ability to face challenges bring out the best in me.
The post of ‘Games Captain’ was a recognition awarded precisely for my abilities on the field be it in the successful execution of the game in itself or the spirit of sportsmanship, a lesson every competitor must face at some point or the other. The post has given me an opportunity to better exploit my skills and capabilities while developing a sense of understanding and leadership. It has taught me the important lesson of patience while managing people of different tendencies and it was the task of molding the myriad perspectives into a single and unified force that remained my true challenge. The other challenge however was to understand the requirements and ambitions of the student body and how in the capacity of their representative would I be able to fulfill them. A captain has many a hat to don and many a role to essay thus, did I in my role as leader have to maintain discipline while living up to the expectations of my teachers.
Inter-school and inter-college events required a different approach; innovative ideas were the need of the day be it in conducting events or the process of putting our best foot forward. Good opportunities to represent the collective talents of the school had to be identified in which we could best demonstrate our strengths and even hone our weaknesses to potential skills. The abilities of the students had to be kept in mind lest we set the stage for disappointment in overestimating our talents and in the atmosphere of enthusiasm this was also a major challenge.
Organizing the smaller events in the beginning of the season proved to be a training ground to perfect my skills in marketing and people management, which proved useful especially in the execution of the ‘Annual School Sports Meet’, where sponsors were sought after and best appropriation of the funds the number one priority. Thought processes and creative talent were greatly enhanced during the duration of the met while giving me an opportunity to better understand people and relationships in my capacity as a leader.
Success alone does not make a person whole; I believe that it is that which we give back to society that ultimately completes our lives. I do not believe in ‘chequebook’ charity alone but the physical presence that proves to be comforting to many of the underprivileged and destitute of our world. It was the truth of the above that I learnt while being a part of the school outreach programme, when we visited a home for the aged and where people yearned not for our bank deposits but for a word or look that said we cared. The experience I believe has made me a better person as it has made me appreciate the finer things in life such as love and family, it has also added to my knowledge on how to deal with different people and I believe that I am a better communicator because of the same. Another outreach programme acquainted me with people from another spectrum—prisoners in a penitentiary. The interaction with the hardened inmates has had a critical influence on the way I view the multitude of personalities that exist in our society today.
I believe that I can better understand problems that I have fortunately never personally experienced because of the above while again developing a keener sense of understanding as to the different kind of personalities, leading to the cultivation of better relationships with the same. Both experiences have helped me perfect my skills in people management, which I believe, will help me play an important role in the University, particularly in activities that involve teamwork.
Through my experiences as a leader I have realized that life is what we make it. Character and efficiency lend to a person a continuance in whatever that person might undertake while believing in the above I also believe that both contribute to the making of a person and contribute towards all that person may undertake.
In conclusion I would like to dwell on what motivates me in life; I draw inspiration from “Ignited Minds”, a recent book authored by the President of India, Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam and I quote, “why given all our skills, resources and talents we, so obviously capable of being the best, settle for the worst”. The premise that the potential for the best is often squandered is one that I would never want to see manifest in my life; thus, do I expect nothing short of the best from life and all it has to offer while making sure that every opportunity life has to offer is undertaken zealously to ensure a personal best every time.

--kshama